So the last few days I’ve really been getting into beach exercise- in particular pushing myself to work my leg muscles against the flow of the water.
Here’s some random thoughts and videos from today’s (Saturday 10th September) exercises.
So I’m writing this as I’m on my way home, another day done and dusted.
With a beautiful sunset in the distance it really makes you think? I may be still suffering health wise but, but I have to try to find beauty somewhere and anywhere I can.
Hence I’m positing this sunset- simple, yet stunning. Reminds me to appreciate the beauty and small things and take nothing for granted.
So no real surprise to report, but I’ve had a minor “setback” on my path to recovery.
The next stage in this- what seems like never ending- process was to reduce the tablet that I was taking from a full tablet to half a tablet.
A resonable step forward going forward you would think oui?
However, it wasn’t meant to be.
While the first day wasn’t too bad- most likely because i’ve had the tablet in my system- with teh tablet moving out of the system it has really knocked me around a bit and therefore I’ve had to reboot and go back onto the medicine.
I suppose it could be a lot lot worse truth be told.
I am looking at this more as a pause and not a setback- I mean after all when you become reliant on the meidince of course it’s going to mask things (as my GP did suggest).
So hopefully this won’t be for too long and I’ll be back to normal soon
So despite being a bit under the weather, I have embraced the challenge of being a lion and I’ve signed up for my next fitness related challenge.
It’s also ironic because my first challenge was 10km so this next one shall be a piece of cake at “only” 3km.
The event you ask?
The Melbourne Marathon- but as per last time, I’m only doing the walk part of it.
I was hesitant to sign up for this one- not because it’s not achievable- but because of my current health situation.
But it’s all a part of the recovery process and it’s something for me to look forward to do.
Bring on the 2nd October- if for no other r e ason then you finish the cirucit by doing a lap of the G- boo yeah!
So in my latest session with my osteo we were talking and he told me this piece of advice which I found interesting and therefore decided to investigate further.
Based on an African proverb, my osteo said everyday I had a choice to either be a gazelle or a lion, I’ll quote the proverb below for your information:
“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle awakens. He has only one thought on his mind: To be able to run faster than the fastest lion. If he cannot, then he will be eaten.
Every morning in Africa a lion awakens. He has only one thought on his mind: To be able to run faster than the slowest gazelle. If he cannot, he will die of hunger.
Whether you choose to be a gazelle or a lion is of no consequence. It is enough to know that with the rising of the sun, you must run. And you must run faster than you did yesterday or you will die.
This is the race of life.”
Now, in the context my osteo was using it (as passed down from his father), it was used as motivation- for me every morning I wake up I can either choose to be a gazelle and be lazy, or I can be a lion and challenge myself to be better.
Now, as you can see from the proverb itself, that’s a bit of a bastardisation of it, but the intent behind it and the proverb are essentially the same.
Let us explore how.
As you can image, life is not a race despite every intention of factors outside our control. We are expected to be in a relationship by age X, married by age Y and have kids by age Z. Anything else is deemed inconsequential and if you don’t achieve these goals you are considered a failure.
But what happens if you don’t actually achieve them at those pre determined marks? What happens if you achieve them later or not at all? Are you still a failure?
Of course not!
Life is not a journey to compare yourself on- the only thing you need to be worried or concerned about, if you ask me, is your journey to be a better person and to be the best version of you as possible. Life will always through obstacles in your way, but it’s how you overcome them which shows to yourself how strong you are.
If you ask me, that is what this proverb is actually about- about your progress as a person. It doesn’t matter if you make big steps or small steps; the important thing is that you’re genuinely making progress going forward and not backwards. That’s not to sure you won’t go backwards- human nature is like that sometimes through illness or just simply bad things happen to good people. But if you’re making 95% steps forward with the occasional backwards, that is ok.
And that’s what I’m currently doing in my recovery. It’s funny how sometimes with the exercises that I and doing in osteo I sort of think to myself “this is insane”, but yet when I leave the treatment room and with the knowledge that my osteo is not there to watch my movements, i am doing the exact same things in real life without consciously thinking about it.
That is progress- I am making strides in the right direction because like the lion I am not willing to accept setbacks, I am running forward to achieve a better me.
It is funny how I’ve never heard of this proverb before speaking to my osteo, and now both the proverb itself and his interpretation of it are going to stick with me for quite a while.
Originally referred to the Melbourne Osteopathy and Sports Injury Centre [MOSIC] for a shoulder related injury by my then gym trainer at the time, the rereferral has since turned out to be a blessing because it for me has turned out to be a vital part of my recovery process.
Not going to lie, I wasn’t 100% certain of what an osteo does and it’s probably a fair cop to say I probably still don’t LOL!!! But what I do know is that it’s probably turned out to be a decision that has turned out to be a blessing.
Originally, the hardest part was looking at the profile and deciding what practitioner to see- after all, like anything in these matters (i.e. gym trainer, a GP), a lot comes down to the person and how you gel with each other- after all you can have a practitioner that treats well, but if you don’t gel you’re less likely to go back and/or follow the treatment plans that they give you.
Thankfully, it would appear that I have gotten lucky.
My practitioner is simply all kinds of amazing and I know that it sounds like I’m just blowing smoke up their arse. But having started for a shoulder related injury and the treatment having pivoted to helping me overcome my balance issues, all I can re ally say is how amazing they are. They always take their time and ask questions where I feel like they are listening to me and not blowing me off- always a vital thing. Additionally, they come across as if they genuinely care and it’s not just a job- which I think is important. Another thing I like is they don’t beat around the bush either- they are up front and plain spoken so it doesn’t feel like I don’t miss or misunderstand something.
On my road to recovery this is helping me so much- which I didn’t think it would to be honest. It’s helping me with confidence and understanding that I will/am getting better and they are helping me with tools to be the best person I can- instead of shying away from the challenge of pushing myself and seeing where my limits are, this process is helping me to define and push back against the construct of “limits”- I mean we all have limits as we’re physical creatures of course, but it’s always worth exploring and understanding of how much of the limitation is real and how much of it is what we’re creating in order to create a barrier to either overcome or used to protect ourselves.
I know I’ve slightly diverged off topic, but the bottom line is that attending MOSIC has helped me enormously so far, not just for the original ailment but for the response to my health setback and the path to overcoming it.
So it would appear that finally- and I literally mean finally- I appear to be back onto the road of recovery.
The hard part is being able to trust myself and my body again, but I have to say that it at least feels good to be a part of the world again- the confidence will come and go, but it just feels good to have my routine back- well the routine is slowly getting back.
Anyway I’m going to try to do more writing so hopefully you guys will see more posts from me.
Like most people with a chronic illness, I have to say I think the worst part of it is the unpredictability of it and just the sheer frustration of it.
Since about the beginning of the month (June 2022), I have been in the middle of a “outbreak” of it for a lack of better words- every time I think I’m getting better I seem to suffer yet another setback.
I miss having a routine- especially when I was in the middle of changing things up and pushing myself. I knew I had become complacent, so I was in the process of looking after myself and getting myself a gym trainer who more aligned with my new goals.
Now?
I’m just in limbo like an airplane trying to land and it sucks. I’m hoping this latest thing I’m trying will help- fingers crossed.
So it’s less then twenty four hours until the MS Fun Walk+ Run is on and i still don’t know if I’m doing it.
The reason being is that I just had a case of vertigo and that normal knocks me around a bit.
I guess we’ll have to see how I feel tonight/tomorrow won’t we?
Is the last bastion of English toxic masculinity about to come crashing down? With the latest with what’s happening over there we can but hope!
The news I’m referring to is that the 17 year old player Jake Daniels, for Blackpool, has come out!!!
To understand the significance of this we must look at the history of the EPL et al and it can be summed up in two key facts which neatly tie into one another.
Daniels is the first player to come out in over 30 years (32 in fact)
The last player who DID come out- Justin Fashanu- didn’t have a good ending.
A warning- with providing the history is some VERY tragic details so feel free to skip the rest of this post if you so wish.
Fashanu, after coming out, was needlessly and relentlessly handed by both the media and his own brother in the media that he eventually took his own life at the age of 37.
A tragic ending to what by all accounts was a gifted footballer, it perhaps encapsulates why there has been no major player in the EPL who has come out since then- over the course of the last five ish years or so I can remember reading about how an anonymous player was on the verge of coming out, but alas nothing ever happened.
Instead, we have seen fringe players come out and even then usually towards the twilight of their careers - prime example being Robbie Rogers. And this is seen in a lot of sports- the tough as fuck Gareth Roberts didn’t come out untill after he retired, but he’s since been quite open about himself despite some less then ideal behaviour by the tabloids (to the surprise of no one it must be said).
Anyhoo, there’s a brilliant BBC podcast (The LGBT Sport Podcast) that I listen to which as you can imagine has been in overdrive with the news- the host Jack Murley has been doing the rounds in the UK with his thoughts.
It’s interesting how he says that this time it just feels different and I suppose so- in theory a lot has changed in the last 30 years. But again despite the prevalence of rainbow supporter groups and initiatives such as rainbow laces, I still have questions.
Logically and statistically speaking, Daniels can’t/isn’t the only gay in the village. So what is happening/preventing the others from coming out?
Hyper toxic masculinity.
Let us be straight if you pardon the pun. Coming out is something only the person themselves can/should do- it’s an intensely private and emotional thing and no one has the right to take it away from you. Yet it still happens and is a frequent trope used in media because it still happens as much as we don’t want it to be.
If you’re in an environment where the boys club runs rampant (and by all accounts in football and a lot of sports it does), why would you come out when you hear jokes like “backs to the walls boys” and it’s all supposed to be taken in good faith as a bit of banter with the lads?
You wouldn’t.
Society is changing- no doubt about that- but there’s still the mentality at least in sports of hyper toxic masculinity. Everyone knows that I love my AFL but where is the gay AFL player? I’ve heard rumours like anyone else but again I refer back to the fact of hyper toxic masculinity.
(On a side note when I say hyper toxic masculinity I mean it in both senses ie- the traditional toxic masculinity being so prevalent, as well as the fact it’s so bloody strong!).
It’s such a strong thing that how does one eradicate it? I mean for fuck sake there’s hate towards the trans community from within the gay community so you can sure as shit bet your money that it’s fucked up!
I guess what I’m trying to say is there’s still more room for improvement. Let’s celebrate people like Jake Daniels and Adelaide United’s Josh Cavallo for being their true selves and in the words of the amazing Captain Raymond Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine
Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place
So it’s been more then a few days so I suppose I should share my good news shouldn’t I?
I was speaking to a good friend the other week and of course talk turned to fitness. Anyway this awesome individual [AI] proposed a theory that it would be a good thing for me to work towards some sort of fitness goal- i.e a fun run etc and not just the consistent working out at a gym.
Anyhoo, AI made a few suggestions about what I could potentially do so after mulling it over while working out, I decided to bite the bullet an sign up to a fun walk.
Therefore, the good news is that at the end of May- conveniently at the end of my annual leave-I’ll be taking part in the 2022 Melbourne MS Walk Run+Roll, obviously taking part in the walk bit.
The first question is why this event?
While I had no specific event in mind as such, the talk with AI and how it’s a event that has meaning to him was more then enough reason for me to do it- after all I look out for people and if it’s a cause that means much to them, it therefore means much to me.
Ideally you can donate to my event page if you want- hit me up for the details if you so wish- otherwise I’ll be donating to myself the entire amount that needs to be donated because it’s just easier that way.
Anyway, that’s my good news for the day- hope you all have a terrific Tuesday
So I’m going to have some news to share in the next few days.
Fingers crossed you can all support me and donate a few dollars.
Huge thanks to a good mate who made the suggestion!
I think it’s fair to say that I think we all have our own set of powers in some way- sadly they may not be like Batman st al but I like to think that we all do.
For me, I think my super power is the ability to see the bigger picture and forgive wrongs of the past.
I won’t lie- in the last few months it has been a lot harder then normal because of the crap going in the World blah blah blah.
I encountered someone the other day who I used to be quite close with and they gave me a brief update of their life. And I won’t lie my heart literally broke for them. And then I decided let’s reach out and touch base again.
Life is ugly sometimes no doubt, but why make it any harder then what it is? I’m not religious at all but the tenants at the core- that is forgiveness, love and help others- is something that should be embraced universally.
So the other week I posted about the benefits of the morning shift and being able to enjoy the morning cadence of a city among alive; this post is sort of the opposite as it’s about the evening cadence, however it’s not the same as I’m writing this on a Friday night where normally the city comes alive.
The most obvious thing to say is that it’s so very very quiet for a Friday- I’ve worked plenty of Friday and Saturday evening shifts at work where it’s chaotic, bonkers and intense, but tonight it’s the opposite. Now while I’m finishing at 01:00, so things could change between now and then, but as of 22:30, it’s shockingly dead.
Admittedly the city and the entire world has been riddled by COVID-19 over the last two and a bit years, and now with omicron being present, people could be reluctant to come out.
And really who could blame them? I certainly don’t.
It’s making for an interesting evening/observation- the foot traffic is consistent enough but there’s heaps of moments where it’s peaceful and almost calm like.
It’s sort of hard to explain- it’s like the pulse is still there and there’s moments of craziness but it’s as if the soul of the city doesn’t know if it’s alive or dead- it’s stuck in purgatory and doesn’t know what way to turn to.
It's making for an interesting night- hopefully by the time I eventually get home I can get some sleep!
So it’s 07:00 on a Thursday morning and sadly I am up and at work- have been for just under an hour.
The good thing is that it’s still really quiet so I can enjoy the quiet humming in the background of the air conditioning, with my podcast playing on my iPad and the gentle patter of the rain falling gentle, then harder before going back to gentle on the tram tracks out the front of the window.
It’s this early morning cadence that I can enjoy- for as much as I’m not a morning person, it is enjoyable to see the bustling metropolis (well normally bustling, COVID not withstanding!) come alive, with the beams of sunlight touching building by building before beaming down onto the footpaths and whatever greenery can be found.
Speaking of which, there isn’t too much of greenery in the Melbourne CBD really is there? I mean, sure there’s places such as Federation Square just down the road in one direction (well technically that should be Birrarung Marr!), and the attempt at greenery under the rail viaduct in the other, but as a whole our CBD is really a concrete monstrosity if you ask me. Compare that with one of my favourite places London- i mean while “the city” itself is only 2.9 square kilometres, if you expand that slightly to take in a slightly bigger area, you have the wonderful Hyde Park which is 142 hectares which is massive- I mean my friends awesome pupperina Bonnie would go absolutely bonkers exploring it (side note she’s not actually a puppy, but to me all doggos are puppers or pupperinas!)
But despite the lack of greenery, just expanding our search we also have the Alexandra Gardens, which while “only” 5.2 hectares, is nothing to be laughed at. I mean it’s soo beautiful and very conducive to engaging in outdoor activities- and don’t forget that just down the road are the botanical gardens.
It’s now 07:15 and the cit5y is slowly becoming more awake; there’s the usual early morning workers passing through now, along with the usual vegabonds that you see in in major city so you can tell Melbourne is becoming alive another day.
As it does, it’s worth thinking of how lucky I am to get to watch this; for while not a morning person there is something magical about watching a city awaken. I remember when I was in the UK and having to wake up about 05:00 to catch a a Tube from Paddington to King’s Cross before transferring onto a LNER service and the process is universal- the awakening from the slumber of a city is universal be it London or Melbourne- it’s magical and that’s why I enjoy these morning shifts- the morning cadence is something that we all can enjoy.
As anyone who knows me, I love to read- and when I say love to read I mean REALLY love to read. I won’t lie though- I normally stick to my favourite genres; that is gay romance and science fiction and sometimes even a blend of those two!
On Occassion, I do branch out and in the last few days I’ve started reading an anthology of essays entitled We Can Do Better Than This: 35 Voices on the Future of LGBTQ+ Rights (Vintage Digital).
While I’ve only just started reading it, the contents page as per any non fiction and anthology work, is a guide to what journey I’ll be on and it’s certainly whetted my appetite that’s for certain! Divided into sections, you start at safety, before proceeding onto visibility, which is followed by dating/love/family. This is then followed by a health and social care section, followed by beyond the binary and finishes off with community and organising.
Just be looking at those titles I am already excited- I have already finished with safety and have preceded into visibility and it’s already making me question things (as good work does!), and ponder life as a whole.
The reason I’ve entitled this post activism and reading is because I am pondering how strong the link between the two is.
For example, I personally believe that the act of reading itself is an intrinsic value of the act of activism. The role of a an activist is to be the best activist they can when pushing for change and one of the ways is to be well rounded and knowledgeable. This can be achieved in many ways- by allyship with the people you are advocating for, by speaking to many people from as many backgrounds as you can and/or reading and acquiring knoweddlge of what the situation is and how it can be changed.
A good piece of writing acts as a a sounding board- you can use it as a point to question your beliefs (in a good way- after all values and believes evolve over time, because of new experiences and exposures to people from backgrounds), and evolve to better yourself. And that’s a key role of activism- your aim is to change others and challenge them, but in order to do so you must do it to yourself.
So far We Can Do Better Than This is doing the same for me; while I’m not sheltered by any means (after all you would have to be very closed off not to know about constant attacks on trans people worldwide, the Russian and Eastern European “anti gay zones” to name but two things), but so far this anthology has opened my eyes even more. The miniature of the everyday experience and the terror and fear others have to go through breaks my heart.
It’s why I read as much as I do- i need to know about the human experience and it’s why I think reading as a form of activism is one of my key skills. I advocate for change and better life and work experiences for people of all backgrounds and that’s why I encourage you to do so as well.
So I’m writing this when I should be in bed but bloody work and early morning shifts suck- well the early morning bits anyway.
I think it’s safe that these thoughts have been around in my head for a little while now and I am hoping that by writing it down, I can hopefully find myself eventually in a better place.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been struggling for a while- just in general, with nothing in particular if that makes sense.
Actually no- that’s a lie.
There’s a few things that have been really pissing me off , most of which aren’t logical and it makes me feel like a moron.
The worst part is that no matter how I feel I still find a way to excuse people and their bad behaviour even though I know I shouldn’t- does that make me a glutton for punishment?
The worst part of it is the toxic behaviour of someone who thinks they’re a decent person, but with careful analysis, they are nothing but a [redacted] who is also toxic, dangerous and very very harmful. I mean they act like they are innocent- or really dumb!- which initially I thought was endearing, not going to lie. But when their true colours eventually come out, it’s nothing but sheer stupidity and fuck boi behaviour which is nothing more then inexcusable.
[on a side note, how awesome is the word fuckboi- totally love it!!!!]
Anyway, this person is nothing more than a [redacted]- I mean if your behaviour and personality can be influenced by others to such a degree, I mean what sort of person are you in the first person? To me, if you are you nothing more than a weak minded piece of shit.
Life just sucks really not going to lie- at least at the moment. The people who I thought were at least somewhat decent have turned into [redacted, but conversely there’s a person who has turned out to be nothing short of awesomeness- no toxic masculinity here, just a full and open friendship where we both have the upmost respect for each other and we have time for each other.
So it’s 11:50 on Boxing Day night and yet again I can’t get any sleep. So I thought I would write a few words as I have some random and silly thoughts running through my head.
What can I say about my 2021 in a nutshell?
Heartbreaking.
Despite the fact that 2020 was a cluster fuck, I was ready to embrace the positive aspects of 2021 even though 2021 was turning what (in hindsight) just turned out to be a transition year from a bad year to a god only knows what 2022 will bring.
Anyway, for once in my life something actually positive did happen and it brought me now sadly joy. The saying “there’s someone for everyone in the world” was slowly turning out to be true
Or so I thought.
The short version is that I got my hopes up and yet again have been sadly burnt but a person who I thought at the very least was a decent person. After all we all went someone to share our hopes and dreams with someone don’t we?
Not me anymore.
As this was happening someone I thought was a friend was doing a 180 degree turn on their personality; in hindsight it’s actually hilarious how much they changed and how many people agreed with me how much that person changed.
With time I can laugh at this piece of shit. Because after all this person is a piece of shit- if you allow yourself to have your personality be changed by another person it shows that you’re nothing more then a weak minded person who is so pathetic that I wish nothing but bad things against them- and for me to be like this says a hell of a lot if you know.
As for that first situation?
Combined with the second situation it’s made me realise that I really shouldn’t bother any more. After all if I’m only ever going to be hurt what’s the point in trying to engage with both people and the world?
So 2022 is going to be my year- to disengage. I’ll still maintain this website, of course, but I’ll choose not to engage with the wider world. In the last two here I’ve been reading more and I’ll continue to do so; after all fictional characters can’t hurt me. A world, however fictional, where things are rosey cheeked and people have their happy ever after ms, is a world I’ll rather be in because I’m not putting myself out there.
It’s going to be a long process- after all for example I’ve reduced my personal training sessions at the gym from twice a week to roughly one every two to three weeks and I intend on dropping that even more.
But I will do this- after all if I’m going to be ignored and treated poorly by most people (eventually) I’ll beat them to it and do it on my own terms.
So we’re on the way up to Deniliquin to spend Christmas with the family when a thought popped into my head “hang on, isn’t there a sports museum up here that has the [netball] dress of Sharalle McMachon?”
So, we eventually figured it out that it was at the Rochester Sports Museum, housed in the old station building and I have to say nothing but wow!
For the bargain price of $5, this gets you admission to a small sample of sporting memorabilia belonging to the late John Forbes. You are ushered into a small viewing room to be shown a 15 minute video which gives you his life story (no spoilers from me!), before you are let loose in the room containing the items of collection which are currently on show.
Baring in mind there’s a lot in storage; it’s an amazing collection that has items that will make you go wow!
It’s certainly worth a viewing that’s for certain- here’s some pictures!
