So it’s 11:50 on Boxing Day night and yet again I can’t get any sleep. So I thought I would write a few words as I have some random and silly thoughts running through my head.
What can I say about my 2021 in a nutshell?
Heartbreaking.
Despite the fact that 2020 was a cluster fuck, I was ready to embrace the positive aspects of 2021 even though 2021 was turning what (in hindsight) just turned out to be a transition year from a bad year to a god only knows what 2022 will bring.
Anyway, for once in my life something actually positive did happen and it brought me now sadly joy. The saying “there’s someone for everyone in the world” was slowly turning out to be true
Or so I thought.
The short version is that I got my hopes up and yet again have been sadly burnt but a person who I thought at the very least was a decent person. After all we all went someone to share our hopes and dreams with someone don’t we?
Not me anymore.
As this was happening someone I thought was a friend was doing a 180 degree turn on their personality; in hindsight it’s actually hilarious how much they changed and how many people agreed with me how much that person changed.
With time I can laugh at this piece of shit. Because after all this person is a piece of shit- if you allow yourself to have your personality be changed by another person it shows that you’re nothing more then a weak minded person who is so pathetic that I wish nothing but bad things against them- and for me to be like this says a hell of a lot if you know.
As for that first situation?
Combined with the second situation it’s made me realise that I really shouldn’t bother any more. After all if I’m only ever going to be hurt what’s the point in trying to engage with both people and the world?
So 2022 is going to be my year- to disengage. I’ll still maintain this website, of course, but I’ll choose not to engage with the wider world. In the last two here I’ve been reading more and I’ll continue to do so; after all fictional characters can’t hurt me. A world, however fictional, where things are rosey cheeked and people have their happy ever after ms, is a world I’ll rather be in because I’m not putting myself out there.
It’s going to be a long process- after all for example I’ve reduced my personal training sessions at the gym from twice a week to roughly one every two to three weeks and I intend on dropping that even more.
But I will do this- after all if I’m going to be ignored and treated poorly by most people (eventually) I’ll beat them to it and do it on my own terms.