Isn’t it amazing how the smallest thing in the world can trigger you?
Now, I know lately that the word trigger is usually used in the context of one side or the other saying the other is a triggered snowflake of same variation; but that’s not what I’m meaning in this post. No- I’m talking about triggers in relation to mental health.
It’s “funny” how I can be having an OK day- well I’m a little bit tired, but generally OK otherwise- and how the smallest little thing, very innocuous, can trigger such a change in you, that it’s like you’ve done an emotional 360!
What annoys me the most, well at the least in this situation; is that I know that I have no right to feel this way. I mean hell, I feel like an idiot not only for feeling like this, but feeling jealous of something I have no right to be jealous of!
I suppose, if I take a step back and engage in some mindfulness (well at least my version of it), that at the core of it is that I’m more annoyed at the situation that I am in. Don’t get me wrong- I’m generally happy and in a great place; but I know I could be better (don’t we all know this about ourselves?) and that I’m actually jealous.
Lethargy and being in a rut is quite terrible thing; it makes you accept mediocre even if you don’t want it. And I think that’s where I am- don’t get me wrong, I’m doing my best to shake things up (good example is doing the stadium stomp), but some changes are easier to achieve then others.
Yes; baby steps is the way to go and I also believe you can’t do it all at once; after all I also believe that if you want change to stick, you can’t go from one extreme to another in all aspects and expect it to sick- but it’s still very hard.
For me, I think what I’m really annoyed at is the following- I’m also there supporting everyone and making sure they’re OK and doing well and giving encouraging words of wisdom. It would be nice for someone to come up to me, give me a giant hug, and say everything will be fine.
I’ll be OK- I mean lethargy stops me from being an idiot and I’m passed the stage where I would do anything unhealthy. I guess all I need is time and the training for the Stadium Stomp.